slip and slides were pretty harsh. what adult figured it was a good idea for a child to heave their bodies TO THE GROUND onto some plastic strip lubricated with water? i mean, youre basically trying to break a 6 year old's arms. you are throwing yourself onto the ground. after running from a fairly decent distance, after gaining speed.
they were fucking fun. chrissy, jenny, michael, my brother and i used to kill it on those things. michael had this genious idea...put the hose on the swingset slide and the slip-n-slide at the bottom. i thought it was amazing. i was only about 8 years old, and when i got to the top, i stood up. keep in mind, girls had perpetual bathing suit wedgies/saggy butts back then. my brother was in charge of turning the hose on as soon as we reached THREE. and s we all counted "ONE! TWO! THREEEEEE!" and i plugged my nose (????) and flopped my ass down on the slide. my asshole bipolar little brother didnt let the kink out of the hose and i ASS SQUEALED down to the bottom. narry a slip OR slide in sight.

last year, around this time, my best friend angela and i went on a trip to vegas to see my other best friend tim. the night we got there we had a little love affair with casino-side bevvies and Maddog 20/20. long story short, i attempted to do a "YEAH!!!" jump (you must know what those are) off of some concrete patio furniture on the way to the community pool and i busted my shit all over the pavement. i still went swimming (doye) beacause alcohol is the devil and i drove myself to the hospital the next morning to find out i seriously sprained it.

whatever, i still drank beers in the pool while crying on the inside.

anyways! 3 lortabs, one cast, and crutches later, EVERYONE in vegas decides its time to rig a giant tarp onto this hill in a public park and turn the sprinkler system on, thus making THE SLIP-N-SLIDE that broke my heart.




can you imagine not being able to slid down this thing? i was wearing a damned dress, fainted from taking too many lortabs without drinking water in 120 degree heat. these kids were wasted, flipping down the hill. they were holding hands. surfing. somersaulting. fuck.


to make up for all the negativity associated with water and soap covered plastic...you must rent me this:

WTF!

reunited and forgiven, thanks be to jesus.
i missed you!

maturity hits me across the face in the form on insults- the half joking kind that push you over the thin line of relationship-jaded/dedicated friend. a line i walked till 4am sometimes, only to wake up at 6am and groggily realize that 23 is lonely and unjust in every aspect that every other age (13, 19, 20, 21) is and will be (24, 31,36,57,90)

Finally, in conclusion, let me say just this.

a few notable instances of today:

watermelon was the fruit of choice this morning in the latchford/viglietta apartment. for the latchford, at least.
cutting board on sink; watermelon on cutting board; knife on watermelon.
the knife sank in easily until it reached the rine; upon contact i pressed with all my groggy, sloppy weight.
successful slice, but one part launched into the sink and the other (anticipated edible) ended up splattered on the floor.
i cannot recall the last time ive expierenced such a satisfying sound.
nor can i recall the last time i saw a kitten eat watermelon.


there was a motorcycle accident on the corner of n. ogden and broadway. the sight of a motorcycle, smoking and wrapped around a tree, with two injured riders splayed on the ground reminded me of a movie, alas i dont remember which movie.
there was blood...i hope they didnt die.

also.
at the salon we've been arguing over punctuation.

i.e sentence:
Salon le Beau is now featuring Footlogix (by Allpresan.)
Salon le Beau is now featuring Footlogix (by Allpresan).

WHICH ONE HAS THE CORRECT PERIOD PLACEMENT?!



the end.

you owe me $125 dollars, you bitch.

But you see in dealing with me, the relatives didn't know that they were dealing with a staunch character and I tell you if there's anything worse than dealing with a staunch woman... S-T-A-U-N-C-H. There's nothing worse, I'm telling you. They don't weaken, no matter what.

~little edie bouvier beale

little man
little kitten man!
nameless slob!
what is his name?

give me all your money and give me all your copies of Roseanne on DVD.
give me homemade cheese and let me borrow your car.
give me something to cut my cuticles with and give me my bowlcut from when i was 5.
give me teeth less crooked and a skylight.
give me an ultimate photograph and the benefit of a doubt.
give me best birthday wishes and prank call all those phone numbers people left in your yearbook.