ive been thinking excessively (by force) about television advertisements. even though i lack 170 channels (i get along with the basic 25, half of which are home shopping) ive noticed the commercials are either excellent or absolutely, sickeningly annoying.
commercials are capable of being the bain of my existance when im thoroughly mentally involved in Man vs. Wild. seriously, try to watch Man vs. Wild without awe. its probably the best show out there, and when armagheddon comes im going to be fine, because i know how to get out of sinkholes, spear fish, and build huts in the tundra. Oh, and that show where they show you how they make stuff...How It's Made, i think its called. i could really care less about how twizzlers are created; im just completely enthralled by the elaborate, detailed jobs machines have. shaping tylenol tablets. inflating chip bags. printing the tiny designs on champagne bottle corks. Its mesmerizing.

N-E-wayz...these disruptive and often enraging commercials include but are not limited to: feminine care, anything to do with shaving, raymour & flanningan, african lion safari, the office type humor where there are a bunch of dudes (20somethings, some with thick framed glasses) hanging out in the breakroom getting shot down by some older black man talking about his "dots," commercials for other shows, and local car dealerships (fucillo chevrolet excluded).

most of these commercials dont have any aesthetic value. messy. sloppy. annoying voices. bad design. what are people getting paid to develop these shit ideas? none of the above listed commercials make me want to buy any of the things they are trying to sell. it is a complete turnoff to KNOW that someone out there thinks, "hey! lets put a bunch of leggy girls in all different colors doing stupid dances with razors by a pool and women will JUST LOVE IT!" i dont love it. im annoyed by it. even if this commercial was effective and i went to buy the razor/shaving cream, the product would fail to deliver what the image on the television promised. what about that commercial where there are hot girls in a bar and their hot friend walks over and starts talking about all the key medical points of her birth control pills? all the girls are sitting around drinking martinis and shes" blah blah blah you shouldnt take YAZ if youre already pregnant, guys! OH! and remember that smoking raises risk of heart disease, blood clot, and heart attack LADIEZ!!! CHEERs har har ahha!"

ill tell you what commercials i DO love. the iPhone commercials. Target commercials. Clean and simple and to the point. i know that when i go to target, im going to feel like what the commercial makes me feel like. and when i get an iphone (never) its going to look like the commercial and do what the commercial has it do.

BLEH.

i have the capability to sit in my apartment alone, writing up lists of exactly what shirts to bring on my vacation; however, i cant seem to simply pick my socks up off the floor or clean out my car.

lists lists lists lists lits sits for listssssssssss

i spent an entire morning composing a blog entry about commercials. since this thing autosaves everything right away, said entry is filed neatly away in my archives. instead of hearing me thoughts on effective advertising, but not veering ENTIRELY off the subject, i present you with this:



i dont recall when i first saw this, but its one of my favorite things on YouTube. mostly because ive been obsessing over The Shining ever since i was little and fucking freaked because there is a picture of my dad in the same red jacket AND same hairstyle as Jack. i never developed that invisible friend/talking finger complex though. have you ever paid attention to the wardrobe in this movie? incredible, with a few rare exceptions (tan corduroy overalls over a flannel? bad idea, mrs. torrence. no wonder your husband wants to kill you.) all of you bitches out there know for a fact that if danny torrence were about 23 and you saw him riding a bike wearing THIS


rocketship sweater, and sporting this perfect haircut, you would cream your pants and then go home and try to find him on myspace.

i am no good at many things.
i.e photography, turning off the oven, paying attention, focusing.

do i have ADD?

this, tender reader, is my kind-of-but-not-by-blood nephew, devon.
we went to the zoo!
it was...you know...just like the zoo, but the lions were being lazy as hell and were nowhere to be found, and the gorrilla setup REALLY REALLY stank. very stinky.

we travelled to Niagara Falls, just because devon is 9 now and will actually remember it.
most memorable moment was not the look of wonder on the youngsters face when presented with one of the seven wonders of the world...
it was this social commentary as we were leaving:

(as we were heading north on some street, back to our car, a rather pudgy drunk bum stands on our left, smoking. a group of glam/goth fashion kids walk toward us, heading south. i mean...you know that band AFI? like, that hair? that myspace glammy black/blonde spikey chunky hair? bleeeggghhh.)

bum: heyuu kids gat any money? iayno bum i swear. im juss tryin to get hometa makids.
group of kids: no way, sorry man. no. no money sorry. etc.
bum: ahdammit (proceedes to smoke).

devon: i KNOW those goth kids got money. (devon lives in alabama, BTdubs.)
me: what? why?
devon: i know they got money because how else do you think they get their hair all dyed and done like that all crazy? how do they get all them goth CHAINS? where in the heck do they buy ALL those black CLOTHES!? they spend allllllll their money to look all....weird....like that. why ARE they wearin all them black clothes for? dont they know its hot out here? ITS SO HOT!


once, i told devon i didnt want to go for a bikeride because "i was tired."
he proceeded to tell me, "well, youre also a BUTTHOLE!"

yoy.

weve been adventuring!
weve been out walking in our new shoes.
weve been complimenting you; how come you dont blush in your modesty?
we're smoothing down and heat-gliding and aligning.