your past is just parts of your live that you will never, ever get back.
what if, you are absolutely certain, after arduous internal battles, that what once was actually was perfect?
you cannot remember being unhappy, at least not beyond the superficial.

what then? or now, should i say?

mystery dancing

around age 14, nearing my last legs of dance class (no pun intended)
i was in a tap dance, of which i have no memory.
there is a photo, and in said photo, i am wearing a one-piece, short sleeve/shorts thing, with an empire waistline that was red on top and black below. the black part had red piping down the center and around the leg of the shorts. there were little black gloves with red lace, and a bowler hat with red ribbon.

im smiling in this photo, balancing on one leg. right foot touching my left knee. perfect dance posture as im holding the rim of my bowler hat with my right hand. smiling. i have no idea what this dance was. i dont remember ever performing in this costume, or what song went along with it.

i really believe this picture is fake. nobody else around me remembers this dance. not even donna scott herself.

ne mosquitos pas

young woman, praise the suffering.
toilet brush and ice bucket.
where are you now? how long is your hair?

young man, praise the suffering.
any drunks "love yous" and "fuck yous"
theres a couch in the back of my work you can sleep on.

blessed be foolishness
blessed be contradictions
blessed be i dont even know when i'm jokin or not anymore.

blessed be doubt,
blessed be we amatures,
blessed be we're always leavin.

fucking strangers feels better; feels better fucking strangers.
big gay mister t. knock his fuckin teeth out with a telephone.

-joan of ark

i'm going to eat you, little city.
tasty little buildings; iced and glistening.


i'm going to eat you up because there is nothing else for me to do with you.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS LIGHTS UP MY HEART!

i lost my head and you all laughed at me.

all around us things are falling apart and getting lost.

people just decided to lay in their beds, watching season after season of dvd tv as the world tilts slightly off its axis to freeze things over and muddle the grass and ruin our shoes.
nobody comes to visit me, and to be perfectly honest, i dont know if i want them to.
there was a time when this house was full and i was constantly running.
dont call me if you're not going to listen.
i am a plate of leftovers...didn't quite make it to the table the first time. my table is covered in feathers and unopened bills anyway.