here are a few stories about my brother, andrew james latchford.
b. june 3rd, 1985
buffalo, ny

when andrew was 5, he went hunting turkey with my dad. i have no idea why my father would even consider letting a 5 year old out into the woods with guns around. ???!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!? my mother had the excuse of being clincally insane. she was probably busy talking to herself while hiding all of my favorite pairs of pants. but dad? what the fuck?
anyway. andrew went along because he wanted to sit in the tree stand. tree stands are fun, by the way. i made my dad put one up in our neighborhood tree and it was THE BEST.
so my father's friend needed some help with something, and my dad wanted to help him. absentmindedly, he handed the shotgun to my 5 year old brother. BLAP! andrew pulled the trigger and flew to the ground (blap? i dont know.) now, i dont know exactly what my dad was thinking, but i was told that he instantly threw up, turned and ran to my brothers limp body, and frantically tore my brothers clothes off in search of a bullethole and blood. GUESS WHAT! andrew didnt get shot. he actually laughed really hard when he finally came to.
(dont judge my dad based on his bad judgement. i love him.)

we used to go to this cottage in long beach, canada. family friends owned it and every summer of our life was spent there. every summer we listened to the beatles, pretended we were mermaids while "scuba diving" (masks and snorkles and water 5 feet deep,) played hide and go seek in the pitch black backyard, and walked to the big rocks. the beach was rocky, and in the very center of the bay was a half a mile stretch of boulders separating the rocky beach from the sandy beach. we called them the Big Rocks (obvs) and made it a point to climb them, make forts in them, and in my brothers case, casually stray away from the group and poop in them. the end.

the last day always hurts my feelings. it cuts me deep.
even with 2nd degree sunburn and hangovers every day, this trip has been the best by far.
my skin is peeling off; we did that duet perfectly; "this is all i ever wanted"

but all the prospects! decisions regarding where/when/how life is going to start are being made and we all know that once i get something in my head, im going to make it happen.
there is a living room and a best friend waiting.

OH YEEAAHHHHHHH!

last night all i wanted to do was sing "dont stop me now" because THEY HAD IT AT CHA CHA LOUNGE! but angela told me to do a shot with her and since im takin care of my lady i DID. it was whiskey, which either a) gives me a rage or b) gives me a raging stomach ache. and then i came back AND I BARFED IN THE TOILET! i fucking barfed! but thats not all! i fell asleep with my head on her toilet WHILE SHE WAS VIDEO CHATTING!

all in all, it was a great first night.

ive been thinking excessively (by force) about television advertisements. even though i lack 170 channels (i get along with the basic 25, half of which are home shopping) ive noticed the commercials are either excellent or absolutely, sickeningly annoying.
commercials are capable of being the bain of my existance when im thoroughly mentally involved in Man vs. Wild. seriously, try to watch Man vs. Wild without awe. its probably the best show out there, and when armagheddon comes im going to be fine, because i know how to get out of sinkholes, spear fish, and build huts in the tundra. Oh, and that show where they show you how they make stuff...How It's Made, i think its called. i could really care less about how twizzlers are created; im just completely enthralled by the elaborate, detailed jobs machines have. shaping tylenol tablets. inflating chip bags. printing the tiny designs on champagne bottle corks. Its mesmerizing.

N-E-wayz...these disruptive and often enraging commercials include but are not limited to: feminine care, anything to do with shaving, raymour & flanningan, african lion safari, the office type humor where there are a bunch of dudes (20somethings, some with thick framed glasses) hanging out in the breakroom getting shot down by some older black man talking about his "dots," commercials for other shows, and local car dealerships (fucillo chevrolet excluded).

most of these commercials dont have any aesthetic value. messy. sloppy. annoying voices. bad design. what are people getting paid to develop these shit ideas? none of the above listed commercials make me want to buy any of the things they are trying to sell. it is a complete turnoff to KNOW that someone out there thinks, "hey! lets put a bunch of leggy girls in all different colors doing stupid dances with razors by a pool and women will JUST LOVE IT!" i dont love it. im annoyed by it. even if this commercial was effective and i went to buy the razor/shaving cream, the product would fail to deliver what the image on the television promised. what about that commercial where there are hot girls in a bar and their hot friend walks over and starts talking about all the key medical points of her birth control pills? all the girls are sitting around drinking martinis and shes" blah blah blah you shouldnt take YAZ if youre already pregnant, guys! OH! and remember that smoking raises risk of heart disease, blood clot, and heart attack LADIEZ!!! CHEERs har har ahha!"

ill tell you what commercials i DO love. the iPhone commercials. Target commercials. Clean and simple and to the point. i know that when i go to target, im going to feel like what the commercial makes me feel like. and when i get an iphone (never) its going to look like the commercial and do what the commercial has it do.

BLEH.