someone should tell them to have babies immediately.
also please i would like a boyfriend like him.

dear five-inch-long-bright-pink-fake-fingernail-cashier at Sbarro (what the fuck was i thinking) today:
when you hand people back their cash, don't place the bills and change on the napkins and then hand them to people. do you know where that money has been? why dont i just wipe my face with the fucking ten you just handed me? do me a favor and come down to euphoria...i could work miracles with those god-awful hooker hands of yours. have you ever seen a urinal cake? i'm slightly embarrassed to say that i have but not as embarrassed as you should be considering your fingernails are the same color.

cheese and pepperoni,
natalie