last night, as fever waxed and waned through my body, thoughts of the ages of our souls came up. perhaps delirium from the combination of black tea and cold medicine fueled it: thoughts that seemed poetic and justified just ended up as forgotten as silence. we are old souls in an old apartment on an old street; we are old friends. monsters and idiots are haunting my dreams, products of eating too late at night and that rediculous anxiety over whether someone is going to smash a glass on the floor or over our heads. i no longer feel sorry for the situation: fact is, i NEVER did. so ha ha.
i gave many a thing to many a person; you've got to give to get back; but i never got back, really. this time around is different. there has never been more understanding. balanced and creative and perfect.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
ocala schmocala
my mom, aunt, cousin, and baby second cousin took a shopping trip, as all women i guess do on pseudo-vacations; even though we are in Retirementville, FL, the reason being my uncle is dead, wherein my mother insisted that she buy me anything i picked out (awesome!) including mascara that promises "4X BRIGHTER EYES!" even though, and i say this in a truthful, modest tone; i do not need brighter eyes. even after a night of heavy drinking or when i get eyelash glue in them and they feel like they are bleeding.
my second cousin is one and a half, and he refers to me as Lee Lee, because he is adorable. my dad went fishing today without me; i was really looking forward to it more than i was pointlessly spending money on a pair of levi's that i most likely will not like once i get home. i want to show my father that i can fish; it is important for me to do before he gets TOO old. for christ's sake, he already has titanium knees.
i have found myself in more sane of a spot than ever before. soon to be twenty six the most awesome of ages where everything has clicked together and makes total sense. i have, in the past year, felt a very many things fall apart, had the best summer of my entire life, moved my best friend from los angeles to my sweet, sad hometown, raged, raged, and raged, saw friends drift away, brought new friends closer, found an amazing job, almost graduated from college (finally, in may,) and set out on mission: impossible which turned into HOLY SHIT what was i thinking two years ago when i could have dated him but didnt and now that i am, things have never been more perfect?, had my life threatened, got chased on a bike, and fell in super huge love. im not even that girl that i used to be when i would be afraid to even say it. i say it all the time, because its true and wonderful.
my second cousin is one and a half, and he refers to me as Lee Lee, because he is adorable. my dad went fishing today without me; i was really looking forward to it more than i was pointlessly spending money on a pair of levi's that i most likely will not like once i get home. i want to show my father that i can fish; it is important for me to do before he gets TOO old. for christ's sake, he already has titanium knees.
i have found myself in more sane of a spot than ever before. soon to be twenty six the most awesome of ages where everything has clicked together and makes total sense. i have, in the past year, felt a very many things fall apart, had the best summer of my entire life, moved my best friend from los angeles to my sweet, sad hometown, raged, raged, and raged, saw friends drift away, brought new friends closer, found an amazing job, almost graduated from college (finally, in may,) and set out on mission: impossible which turned into HOLY SHIT what was i thinking two years ago when i could have dated him but didnt and now that i am, things have never been more perfect?, had my life threatened, got chased on a bike, and fell in super huge love. im not even that girl that i used to be when i would be afraid to even say it. i say it all the time, because its true and wonderful.
Friday, December 26, 2008
my uncle died on christmas eve morning. diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in May of this year, the cancer rapidly spread, unphased by any treatments he was receiving.
my mother kept telling me to call him over the past few months and i never did. i thought there was more time. on december 22nd, my mother called me and told me that uncle paul was going to hospice on christmas eve, and that i should consider coming to see him, or call him. what do you say to someone that is going to die?
i began writing him a letter, to soothe my mind and to tell him all the things i wanted to tell him.
he died before he could even go to hospice.
my dad called me as he was driving my uncle's car back to their house.
i never got to tell him anything at all. not goodbye or i love you. not thank you for being the most wonderful uncle ive had. not even sorry that we grew distant as you and aunt eileen retired to florida.
rest in peace, john paul thompson.
my mother kept telling me to call him over the past few months and i never did. i thought there was more time. on december 22nd, my mother called me and told me that uncle paul was going to hospice on christmas eve, and that i should consider coming to see him, or call him. what do you say to someone that is going to die?
i began writing him a letter, to soothe my mind and to tell him all the things i wanted to tell him.
he died before he could even go to hospice.
my dad called me as he was driving my uncle's car back to their house.
i never got to tell him anything at all. not goodbye or i love you. not thank you for being the most wonderful uncle ive had. not even sorry that we grew distant as you and aunt eileen retired to florida.
rest in peace, john paul thompson.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)