dont ask me! dont ask me any more questions! dont do it! i will not answer honestly if i even answer at all!

imagine if every single possetion of every single person were put on their front lawn in a yard sale fashion.
what terrible, disgusting, amazing, incriminating things you would see.
how difficult it would be to decide what to buy.

face to shoulder extending face upwards i see this vein or artery pulsing in your neck;
"this is natural and will never stop." i will be SURE OF IT for years and years.
getting warmer and melting, cracking dusty limb sockets and sheilding our eyes.
the blood, i AM SURE OF, is moving from your heart to your head.

i am so tired of this warmer/colder/warmer/colder/snowing/raining/snowing/frozen.

upon completion of reading a few shorts from altmann's tongue, sal said "happy nightmares!" and i laughed.
that laugh bit me in the ass, because NIGHTMARE I DID. all night long, miserably.

cleaning up and moving out: current obsessions include:
excecuting near-perfect haircuts/color applications
imagining future travel destinations
barnes and noble
ignoring outstanding debt
feigning responsibility

oh!
i will repeat positive over and over again, hopefully by doing so this mantra will eliminate most negative thinking. realistically, this feat is mostly impossible...but time is up for pathetic. pathetically (that is not a word, is it?) i am not it at all.

im thinking in circles, and at every single bend i fully believe that whatever emotion is encompassing me at that second (whether blindingly positive or debilitatingly negative) is absolute. today i am conciously stopping that method immediately. everything that upsets me/thrills is completely correct, in a way...it is only my reaction to this that causes emotional upset or ecstacy.

i didnt drink tonight.
ive been awake forever and rested just the same.

i will and delve deeper into what i study and reach personal satisfaction with my efforts.
i will study myself daily/hourly/secondly...but not minutely.
i will remain regimented, clean, organized; and the when the desired outcome is reached effortlessly, my skin will shine brighter and my hair will lay sweetly.
i will remember that loving anything at all is a simple and refined ability.

his neck his back

there were men camping with horses...big time camp. real man camp.
forest fires started at night. they videotaped. duh, thats what you do. some hopped on horses and booked it to an unknown location; the only thing known that it was a direction in which there was no known fire.
the others, the real men, stayed by until black smoke swirled all around them and blew flaming debris onto their bodies.
these others, they just played it real cool and lay down in the creek that they camped by, covered in wet blankets. no big deal. duh, some might say.

(discovery.)

jerks!

YES.